@Authoritimmy this is Justin's nightmare and I want to tag him in it so bad!! 😂😂

Cc @SanfordianPhil

@ItsJenNotGabby @Authoritimmy I thought about Uncle Justice going to that post office when I saw this earlier and had to leave the office I was laughing too hard

@SanfordianPhil @ItsJenNotGabby @Authoritimmy

Anytime I hear about another building with a snake infestation, I die a little inside, and my resolve to never leave the safety of the permafrost strengthens.

@SanfordianPhil @ItsJenNotGabby @Authoritimmy

Philly, how far are you from Milton.
Go get the scoop for us!

Here's what I want to know:
What kind of snakes are we dealing with?
How has the infestation manifested?
Have any attempts been made to combat the infestation?
Someone said it's gotten worse: How?
Has anyone been hurt, seriously or otherwise?
Has anyone contacted Samuel L. Jackson about getting these motherfucking snakes out of the motherfucking post office?

@Quixote171 @ItsJenNotGabby @Authoritimmy
2 hours, it is all the way at the Virginia border,
I would assume more snakes,
They contacted Thom Tillis instead which is a good call because until his Senate run his entire political career was bankrolled by the owner of Rose's, Art Pope, and that man is definitely a snake

@Quixote171 @ItsJenNotGabby @Authoritimmy look, I have an expensive vet bill coming up, you can't expect me to go to the border on a weekday when I get paid hourly

@SanfordianPhil @ItsJenNotGabby @Authoritimmy

Going to call Milton, NC Mayor, Harriet Brandon, and find out what exactly her relationship is with these insidious slithering infiltrators.

@SanfordianPhil @ItsJenNotGabby @Authoritimmy

According to the United States Census Bureau, Milton has a total area of 0.4 square miles (1.0 km2), most of it snakes.

@Quixote171 @ItsJenNotGabby @Authoritimmy sorry yeah, all boarder towns but one are of a similar size to that sorry forgot that wasn't common knowledge. Also I'm pretty sure that post office isn't most of .4 square miles even if you count the creek behind it (I'm assuming on this one but it makes sense)

@Quixote171 @ItsJenNotGabby @Authoritimmy look, justice, it's an "incorporated town" the mayor's office is their front porch and their only business is having to listen to people mad about driving 20 miles to another township instead of 10 miles into milton. Their house isn't even in milton, they just own a corner store or something and registered to vote there so they could vote themselves into a pointless office. The surrounding farms and houses will never agree to join milton to avoid paying taxes to improve the post office. This is rural america Justice, welcome to the country

@SanfordianPhil @ItsJenNotGabby @Authoritimmy

But she's the Mayor. She's gotta have an email address. I *refuse* to call her about the snake post office, but I will happily email her.

@Quixote171 @ItsJenNotGabby @Authoritimmy look, it's been a few years since I've been in a town that out of the way and small, but I'm pretty sure they still have dialup

@SanfordianPhil @ItsJenNotGabby @Authoritimmy

This has been taking up a *lot* of my brain today.

Now that they've abandoned the building, and are no longer stemming the tide, how long before the Post Office is fully Raiders of the Lost Ark?

@SanfordianPhil @ItsJenNotGabby @Authoritimmy

Also, what if the snakes figure out how to mail themselves? No one will be safe!

(Dead Venomous snakes found in PA post office! It's already started!)


@ItsJenNotGabby @Quixote171 @SanfordianPhil @Authoritimmy wasn't that literally it though? i.e. the bad guys shipped a bunch of snakes in faulty packaging on purpose

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